ONGOING PROJECT - During the coming months, I'll be working on physical and video installations with materials of the human body. I'm waiting for my delivery to utilize my placenta, umbilical cord, and use my own blood to develop further objects.

For our daughters

An exploration of intergenerational trauma, the deep-seated pain, and the complex dynamics within three generations of women. "The lines of women in families carry the history of generations, the strength of resilience, and the spark of change."

A reflection of symbiotic mother-daughter relationships. "For our daughters” focuses on intergenerational trauma. My mission is to capture the deep-rooted pain and complex dynamics within three generations of women.

It all begins with my grandmother, a strong woman whose uterus was once removed, an operation that not only altered her body but also her connection to femininity, self-image, and confidence. The scars of that procedure ran deeper than the visible wounds. Hormonal fluctuations led to long bouts of depression, preventing her from always being the parent she wanted to be for my mother. Her belly remained vulnerable, a place filled with shame, which she clearly didn't embrace.

An unexpected twist in her life that forced her to let go of the fertility and youth she once took for granted. My mother also feels insecure about her belly, especially after her pregnancies; she prefers to conceal it with her arms. Like my grandmother, she also subscribes to the "less is better" sentiment regarding her body. The fact that both my grandmother and mother hide their bellies speaks volumes about how they coped with the scars and losses they experienced.

Then there's me, I developed an eating disorder early on as a way to gain control over the only certainty I had: my own body. My menstruation was absent for years, and the feeling of infertility was an assault on my femininity, located in my belly, the essence of womanhood.

After years of exploring 'the self' and my natural state of being, I was able to heal myself. I no longer saw my feminine form solely as a shell and returned to the wisdom of nature.

Time, as it lies there waiting now, lost, hidden, shattered, with an underlying feeling of warmth, like an unanswered love but it wasn't yet time for my response. The emptiness of time slowly fills with what fits and belongs to me.

The warmth of time is something mysterious; it loosens things that are too tight. If you allow warmth in, it draws closer to you.

Even though I may have never been here before, this deep. Along the way, lost in the desire to understand. I feel like I've swum here before.

Swimming in the constant movement of time, immersed in the waves of uncertainty, I dive under for a short time, up and under again. The warmth that washes away all heaviness from me, tells me stories that everything will always turn out fine and takes my tears into the emptiness of the waves.

I know there will be more scars with time, and not so few, but it's good to realize that a scar is stronger than ordinary skin when it comes to elasticity and the ability to withstand pressure.

I teach myself to breathe underwater and explore the depths of my inner knowing that teaches me to turn my gaze inward. The water becomes purer and purer. Until I see clearly, in a sea of time.

Trusting in the warmth that time brings, I remain capable of floating on a knowing that the waves carry me and flow with the right current towards the answer that I don't yet know, that time plays no role in, and that things come when they are ready.

A few times a year, I retreat to this place, my womb. The place that has carried me as home for years.

This project is my way of sharing my personal journey, of capturing the complex legacy of trauma within our family. It is a quest for understanding and healing, not just for myself but for all women trapped in the cycle of generations of sorrow and fear.

Next in line is my mother. At a young age, she had to provide mental care for my grandmother, taking on a role above her age, and she couldn't fully develop as a child. She carried the sorrow of my passive grandmother. In response, this manifested as a persistent determination to become independent. Did this trauma still affect her physical body after years? Was her body perhaps more mature than her age, leading to an extremely early menopause?

My dissociative relationship with my body and mind extended further than I had ever realized. I couldn't resolve it within myself, so I began to search for the connection between my body and mind. On one hand, there is the achievable aspect, the urge to conform to the unattainable form I imposed on myself, and on the other hand, there is the simple 'being,' without conforming to that form. I consciously decided not to let this overwhelming sense of insecurity affect my life and bid farewell to this self-destructive thought system.

Which cycles do we as women thrive on? How can we move as naturally as possible in sync with these elements to create new life? Nature is very important to me; it inspires me to connect with myself and a deep inner knowing. It is what it is, always in motion. What is the impact of motherhood on the next generation? When am I ready for motherhood and free from passing on trauma?

Now, I'm pregnant with my first child, a daughter (february 2024) the fourth generation. I waited a long time for the moment when I intuitively felt there was literal space in my system and belly to give her a life free from inherited traumas in my womb.

The transmission of emotions in the womb is a fascinating and complex phenomenon that profoundly influences the bond between mother and child. The belly, the woman's core, for generations within our family, there was no space to just be. I am now breaking that pattern. The intimate, vulnerable, and loving conversations with my grandmother and mother have also healed them so they can embrace their femininity with more freedom."

Through my lens, I want to demonstrate how powerful it is to acknowledge these traumas, to bring them out of the shadows and transform them into a source of empowerment and healing.