I AM NOT HER

My whole life I was consumed by the idea of the malleable form.
At the end of my childhood this pursuit of perfectibility resulted in less and less form: I became anorexic.

My body recovered but I was exhausted by the compulsive thoughts, actions and patterns I imposed on myself, so I decided to further examine the relationship between the two basic components of my being: my body and my mind.

I became involved in a life-changing transformation process, driven by self-observation, self-reflection and self-analysis. Slowly I moved further away from the importance I attached to the physical form and I let go of control.

Eventually this long process resulted in one image.

Layer upon layer my menstrual blood shaped the contours of a womb: the beginning of my life, my femininity, my fertility, my identity. For years I did not menstruate and only when my menstruation returned did I realize what I had done to myself. At the same time I regained confidence in my body. This image embodies my being in another level of awareness where I can clearly see that the indefinable form I constantly seek is only caused by my obsessive thoughts.

I will destructure my self-destructive philosophy by digesting it. Literally.

I ate the images I made during this process.

All images, with the exception of the image of the womb, the embodiment of my being. As a ritual, captured through video recording.

Please click the button for the complete video